I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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