I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
