I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
