i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
