I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
