cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
