the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
