I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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