Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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