so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
