Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
