bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
