can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
