My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
