He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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