I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
