i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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