do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
