Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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