Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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