My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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