and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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