I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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