He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
