Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
