I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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