Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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