My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
