Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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