No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
