i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
