grandma shit on top of the toilet
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
