hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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