Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
