we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
