I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is wine microwaveable?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
