I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
