it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
