I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
