If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
