The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize