you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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