This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
