About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize