We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize