ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We were destined to go to rehab together
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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