I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
