"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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