Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
