You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
