we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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