Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
