oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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