You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
oh god the rape fog is back!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize