The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
