nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
