goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
love makes seman taste better
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
