ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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