i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
