I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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