Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
