He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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