Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
