I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize