remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
