oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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