What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How does one acquire holy water?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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