Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
